I know that I can have it all!! All I have to do is dream big, work hard and you can have everything that you desire. Furthermore, as a woman it is woven into our identity to take care of everything. We are strong! We can handle everything! God forbid that we would need help or not be able to balance everything. Besides if a woman can’t handle everything at home and at work, then there is something wrong with her. Right? 

This is a popular belief that many of us as women are socialized to believe. The superwoman syndrome permeates the fabric of our society and is woven into the dialogue that is fed to many women. For me, being raised as a strong woman was not an option, it was a requirement. It was something that was passed down generationally and culturally. My mother began my training as a superwoman. I had to be independent, strong and work twice as hard because being black and being a woman was seen as a double disadvantage in society.

A superwoman can be defined as a woman who works hard to maintain several roles and she strives to excel in all areas. She manages everything at home as well as outside of the home and she is supposed to manage it well. She is not supposed to ask for help because she is strong and she has been conditioned to manage and multitask with ease and grace….and look good doing it.

While it can be seen as a great life lesson, in some areas of our lives, if we consistently use this coping strategy at all times it can allow us to believe that we have to have it all together all the time. So, it means that there is no room for error. Regardless of what is happening in your life, we have to be strong “all the time.” And God forbid that you crack under pressure, if there are times that you are not strong, it is a weakness in your own character, it’s a personal flaw that YOU have to fix.

Another aspect of the superwoman is that we have to constantly sacrifice our own happiness for the well being of others; be it our spouse/significant other, children, family, friends. We must become the “sacrificial lamb” and the “true” superwoman places everyone else’s needs above our own. We have to place ourselves last on the list because if we decide to take care of ourselves or make ourselves a priority, then we are selfish and we are judged and criticized because our priorities are not in order. Our happiness is not as important as the perfect image of the superwoman.

What I learned and what I want to tell you is that this is IMPOSSIBLE. Being strong all the time does not make sense because we do not allow ourselves our own humanity. 

Once we realize the concept of “The permission to be human”, we begin to notice that as human beings it is our birth right to experience ALL emotions without judgement. Perfection is then seen to be a myth, and striving to be our own best self is solely defined by us, not what others say about us or what society wants to dictate.